This was published 6 years ago
It's time for the NSW Waratahs to appoint Alan Jones as coach
By Peter FitzSimons
Listen, when it comes to Alan Jones, I've had to put another man on, just to keep track of the things I violently disagree with him on – and I have done so for 34 years now. The man has so many agendas, so many favourites, so many detestations, so many paranoias, so many people he wants to bully that his every utterance is a multi-layered mess of untruths, half-truths and unfounded insults, however ...
There's one thing, I generally agree with him on. Rugby. He was a brilliant rugby coach in the '80s, a terrific motivator of young men and in areas where he lacked particular expertise, he was the first to bring in experts who knew what he didn't. Could he possibly do it again? Could he work his magic as he once did with the Manly and Wallabies sides? Yes.
The right man for the job? Alan Jones coaching the Wallabies in 1987.Credit: Paul Mathews
Give him the Waratahs. Say to incumbent coach Daryl Gibson, "Mate, all the best, but as witnessed this season, it hasn't worked, isn't working, and won't work. Here's your hat and what's your hurry? You cannot have the resources you've had to work with, bring in the results you've had, and survive. Cash your cheque on the way out, and we wish you well."
Then call Alan.
Illustration: John Shakespeare
"Alan, what about one last hurrah? You've got all these ideas, know all these coaches you say are brilliant. We've paid out Gibson. What about you take over the Tahs for next season, on no pay? You can appoint a couple of assistant coaches to do much of the nitty-gritty, but you oversee the whole thing."
It would be a fascinating experiment! Jones would have the goodwill of all of us of the amateur era, who reckon we know things the professionals have lost. Given his profile, it would electrify the rugby community to see if the Jones effect, the inculcation of the Old Ways, could make a talented team of professionals perform.
Yes, of course going to Jones is obviously the thing you'd only do if it was your last throw of the dice at the Last Chance Saloon. Well, look around you. That's where we are, people, my people. Just 11,000 people turned up to Saturday's game – an historic low – against the most unsuccessful team in Super Rugby, the Southern Kings. And the Tahs, lost. They always lose. It really can't get much worse. So what we know is this. Jones could not possibly do any worse than what we have seen with the Waratahs this year. Why not?
Make the call, Roger.
The big bonus in the proposal? If Sydney really gets lucky, Jones will do it, succeed, and love it so much he'll give up radio and stop bullying ten people a morning, while giving the likes of the execrable Pauline Hanson a platform to spill her bile from. A win-win, I tell you!
Blowing the whistle
If you can, watch Four Corners on ABC on Monday night at 8.30 pm. In the wake of the tragic loss of Wallaby Dan Vickerman last month, the multi-award winning program has a story entitled After the Game: Elite athletes blow the whistle on the high price paid for sporting glory.
Vickerman's one-time team-mates, Brendan Cannon and Owen Finegan talk about the impact Dan's death and reflect on what it means when you struggle with your sense of self, post-sport, and there are also other former sporting stars from several Olympic sports as well as cricket and AFL who talk about the impact retirement has had on them. Depression, unemployment, loss of identity etc. It is somewhere between compulsory and compulsive viewing.
Lifeline 13 11 14
Bigger than sport
The most moving sports story of the week? No question. It was what happened in the final stages of the London Marathon when one Welsh runner, HSBC bank worker Matthew Rees, was in the last 200 metres and heading for an impressive time of about two hours 40 minutes, about to kick into high gear for the last sprint, when it happens ...
Just up ahead he sees another runner, a stranger by the name of David Wyeth, simply collapse.
Slowing, he goes over to him, to ask if he is OK?
"I've got to finish," Wyeth gasps, though he is clearly incapable of getting back to his feet.
"You will," Rees replies simply, helping him to his feet.
The footage is wonderfully moving as the two struggle across the line together even as the crowd roars. Bravo.
(Still, when I think of it, even more impressive was my old rugby team-mate, Peter Madew who, about a decade ago got to within a 100 metres of the summit of Everest – his lifetime ambition – when he came across a collapsed climber who urgently needed to get to a lower altitude. Now. Life or death. On the instant, Peter gave up his own summit attempt, took the bloke in hand and half-carried, half-dragged the bloke down to medical help. There is no doubt he saved his life.)
From the mouths of babes
Meantime, young Oliver, the grandson of Northern Suburbs legend from the '60s Keith Jones, was asked by his teacher this week, in a lesson on survival, what he would do if he became separated from his parents in a large shopping centre.
"I'd go and sit in front of Dan Murphys and wait ..." Oliver replied.
Centre of attention: Maria Sharapova.Credit: Getty Images
What They Said
Alan Jones, on the Waratahs: "The boys can play, it's a very talented side, but of course good coaching means putting a team together. You know when blokes are dropping and fumbling balls the confidence levels are very low. They're very uncertain and they play accordingly."
Jones: "It's almost unwatchable in a team of however many Wallabies. There seems to be a total absence of skill. There's too much time spent in the gym, not enough time with ball and not enough theory."
Bob Dwyer on the Waratahs loss to the Kings: "It was the worst game I've seen for a long while. The standard of club games is higher. If you compare it to last year's grand final between Sydney University and Norths, that was way better than it in standard."
But Bob, do you think the Waratahs, who are in fourth place, can still win the Australian conference?: "No, I hope not. If they can win it, it's a disaster."
Gil McLachlan on expansion of the AFLW: "There's a commitment to expansion and really the question is whether it's 2018, or 2019. I think you can be definitive about that. Eighteen clubs. That's our aspiration, whether that's a 10-year or a 20-year journey, I don't know."
GWS Heath Shaw to Swan Tom Papley: "You f---ing retard." Twitter made an interesting point. Why, when the last word in the sentence is the one that caused the offence, do we in the media insist on blanking out the middle of the second last word? Discuss.
John Coates, to the then AOC CEO about an employee being treated for cancer who was upset at his treatment of her: "If she's offended it's probably time for her to get out in the real world. Ours is not a sheltered workshop." Coates' position is becoming perilously close to untenable, and it was not just the Paralympians deeply upset.
Former AOC CEO Fiona de Jong: "I'm not sure how many complaints are required in order for an organisation to be characterised as having a culture of bullying, but, on any analysis it is untrue for my complaint to be characterised as an isolated incident."
Kerry O'Keefe, off the long run himself, on the Australian fast bowler James Faulkner: "He'd only get a movement as a bowler if he swallowed a packet of Laxettes. I'm not unhappy with Jimmy Faulkner missing the list."
Eugenie Bouchard on the return of Maria Sharapova: "I don't think it's right. She's a cheater and I don't think a cheater in any sport should be allowed to play that sport again."
Josh Reynolds on leaving the Bulldogs: "It was so hard to look my mum in the eye. We've been at this club together 14 years. She's a Bulldog as well. When I told her, you'd think she had just seen a ghost. Just before I left on the day I told the boys, she broke down. That killed me."
North Melbourne coach Brad Scott on starting 0-5: "Well, last time North Melbourne were 0-4 they won a premiership in 1975. So how far do you want to go back in history? But who cares? We've got 17 games to go. So I'm going to start doing maths, not history."
Ilie Nastase on Serena Williams being pregnant on the Friday before the Great Britain-Romania Fed Cup tie: "Let's see what colour it has. Chocolate with milk?" There was hell to pay.
Former England Test cricketer and Surrey director of cricket Alec Stewart on 25-year-old Zafar Ansari's decision to retire from cricket. "He can be seen at times reading a novel when the rest of our boys are colouring in a book. That is how it is." Ansari, has a double first in politics, philosophy and sociology from Cambridge University a Master's degree in history, and is quitting to pursue a legal career.
AOC Media spokesperson Mike Tancred, allegedly, to then AOC CEO Fiona de Jong, when she made a formal complaint about happenings within the AOC: "Fiona, withdraw the complaint or I will bury you." Right now, she's the one with the shovel as Tancred has been stood down pending an investigation.
Moving on: Josh Reynolds.Credit: Mark Nolan
Team of the Week
Waratahs. If this is not the nadir, I don't know what it is. It can hardly get much worse, can it? Can it? Flogged by the lowest team in the comp, at home, in front of just 11,000 people who started as True Believers, but left Truly Disgusted.
Josh Reynolds. Leaves the Bulldogs to go to the Tigers, as Canterbury is taking on Kieran Foran in his position and, anyway, has insufficient money for him. Is it crazy, for Canterbury, to lose the heart and soul of the side in Reynolds, to take on a troubled soul like Foran? Discuss.
Reserve Bank of Fiji. To commemorate their Olympic victory in the men's sevens they have released a limited edition $7 note.
Australian croquet team. Australia have beaten the Poms in the MacRobertson Shield (think Croquet World Cup, held every four years) for the first time since 1935. RAH!
Sydney Swans. Bloody hell. Five matches this year, for zero wins, and were flogged by the Giants last Saturday night.
Rafael Nadal. Won his 10th Monte Carlo title and in the process his 50th clay title. He is "Da Man," with only Roger Federer to argue the toss – rough or smooth – that he isn't.
Richmond and Adelaide. Two of the AFL's undefeated sides lock horns in Adelaide on Saturday.
James Roberts. The Brisbane Bronco is so fast that, as Jack Gibson would say, "he could turn the wall light off and be in bed before it gets dark."
Twitter: @Peter_Fitz