THE THURSDAY COLUMN

Deborah Ross: Dear Muirfield, what is it you fear about women?

Menstruation could lead to bears interrupting the golf
Menstruation could lead to bears interrupting the golf
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A letter to the Muirfield golf club, East Lothian, which, alarmingly, has finally agreed to admit women members for the first time in its 273-year history:

Dear Muirfield,
I write to you to express considerable concern over the admittance of women to your club and to state that, much as it may have been unavoidable, it is madness, and an utter lunacy, and you will live to regret it.

You have much to fear from women, obviously. Why did you hold out for all these years otherwise? Menstruation. That’s a worry, right? What if menstruating ladies were to attract bears? Wouldn’t that represent a danger to all? Also, what if they were to attract lions, sharks, crocodiles and chickens? Chickens admittedly do not represent a